The Artful Life

Questioning Our Assumptions

2012-01-09T08:47:00.000-08:00

Over the years, I have been a member of several boards of directors. I've been part of teams that produced some great results -- as well as teams that got bogged down when strong personalities became locked in disagreement.

During a recent board meeting I was attending, thediscussion suddenly became contentious. One member abruptly stood up, pointedher finger accusingly at another member across the room, and then burst intotears; several other board members walked out. Those of us who were left sat instunned silence, wondering what had just happened?

As much as I think I can identify when someone(including myself) is making an assumption rather than asking the neededquestions to find out what is actually true, the fact is, I was caught offguard at this meeting because I too had made some faulty assumptions.

Each of us makes dozens, maybe hundreds of smallassumptions every day. There is nothing wrong with assuming that the floor willbe solid when we slide out of bed in the morning and rest our feet on it; orthat the coffee maker will still be making coffee and not, for example, pinacoladas! It might be entertaining to imagine "what would happen if we really did question everysingle assumption?” but it would be difficult to get on with our daily livesand get anything done.

Assumptions come from past experiences that arestored in the brain, and they tend to fortify the status quo. Whensomething surprising or confusing happens, or when we are stuck or afraid, anddon't know what to do next, we call on our assumptions to help us close the gapin our understanding.

The problem is, sometimes assumptions are just wrong, andthey lead us to take actions and create emotions based on incorrectinformation. Faulty assumptions can create a force field that repels peopleaway from each other, instead of pulling them closer together. Relationshipscan go up in smoke, important business investments can fail.

After the dust had settled and I'd had a chance tospeak one-on-one with some of the individual board members, I learned someinteresting things, and had my own assumptions challenged. For example therecent effort to keep monthly board meetings to an hour had been welcomed bymany (including myself), but had angered others. While many assumed that brief,efficiently conducted meetings were best, several other members took greatoffense at what they assumed was an effort to keep them from fully expressingtheir opinions. On the subject of email communications, some members assumedthat sending mass emails to the entire group was a way of including everyone,while others assumed that this was a sign that their time was not beingrespected. Finally, the board had had a number of discussions about encouragingmore participation from within the organization; yet when some younger memberssuggested an innovative new project the board put them off, assuming theseyoung members were too inexperienced to understand how difficult it would be toget this particular initiative off the ground.

Sticking to our assumptions no matter what allows us to hold on togrudges and also hold on to the way we’ve always done things, even if wesometimes end up feeling like a victim. Even if it is counter productive and leads to inaction. Ourassumptions make us feel right – and anyone who sees things differently, wrong.And if feels good to be right.

But what if our board had an open discussion aboutthe timing of the meeting? Everyone probably would have to give a little, buteach side would understand the other's concerns and perhaps not be so quick tocondemn them. And what if the next time a member of our organization suggestedsomething new the board actually responded with, "That's an interestingidea, can you tell me more about it, and how you would head it up?"

What if the next time any of us are tempted to makean assumption, about a reaction that catches us off guard or a suggestion thatseems improbable, we ask first: “I am not sure I understand. Could you pleaseexplain it to me further?”

It might be uncomfortable. Butmaybe in the end each of us would feel we'd had our say and been heard; we'dget more help; we'd learn something new. And maybe we'd even end up seeing thatthere is more in this world that connects us than separates us from each other.

New Year's Intentions

2011-12-26T12:33:00.000-08:00

At this time of the year we think about the idea of "New Year's Resolutions". Many of us are looking to make positive changes in both our business and personal lives, and we may even create a list of goals to achieve in the coming months.

An alternative to the ideas of resolutions and goals is the notion of Setting an Intention. While resolutions refer to our resolve and determination to do something, and goals are the results or achievements towards which this effort is directed, intentions are in some ways both, neither -- and more.

An intention is both the object intended, and the path towards that object. Within the act of Setting an Intention is the belief that when we align our actions with a commitment to what matters most, the intended outcome is already ours.

At different times in our lives many of us feel a strong desire for change -- and make a decision that it is time to do something about this desire. Intentions come out of this decision. It might be a desire to change the kind of work we do, or perhaps the way we work; or, a desire to improve the quality of an important personal relationship. Here are some questions to ask yourself, when setting your "New Year's Intentions:"

What is it that I desire to be true?

Why? Where does this come from?

What will achieving this desire fulfill in me, on a personal or professional level?

How would my reality change by achieving this desire?

What would I have to give up to achieve this desire? Am I willing to do that?

In what areas do you desire to see change? Can you clearly envision -- and begin living and working towards -- your intended outcome? What obstacles might stand in the way? What kind of support system can you create to help you as you move forward along your path?

Is Your Suit Too Tight for Your Heart?

2011-11-29T12:30:00.000-08:00

I recently wrote an article for Forbes.com on the importance of listening (How Important is Listening, Really?, October 25, Forbes.com). I am including a link to it here, and hope you'll enjoy it -- and that you'll also take time to click on the link to Brenda Ueland's wonderful essay on which this article is based.

From a business perspective, we have nothing to lose and everything to gain by developing our capacity to be good listeners. How do we start?

Take a deep breath and be fully open to the person or group that is in front of you.
Remove from your vocabulary the phrase "Yes, but ...".
Ask: "Is there anything else?"
Ask again.

At a workshop I attended this month entitled The Jaguar Path (which included an eclectic and international group of business professionals from the fields of consumer goods, to investment banking, to landscape design) the leader of our group reminded us: "Don't let your suit become too tight for your heart".

Give your heart enough space so that you can really listen. You'll be rewarded with exceptional results.

Strategic Planning: Creating Your Organizations Unifying Vision

2011-10-18T12:25:00.000-07:00

In Good to Great, Collins argues the importance of seeing through complexity to discern the underlying patterns -- to discover what is essential, and ignore the rest. He calls this "the clarifying advantage." I find his simple model for examining what an organization can really be great at enlightening, particularly during these times when so many businesses and organizations are trying to redefine or reinvent themselves.

It's also a useful model for thinking about what really matters to us, and where we can be most successful, in our professional lives and in other activities in which we engage.

1. What Can You Be The Best At? A key to your success is understanding what your organization can be the best at, and what it cannot be the best at. It is not a plan to try to be the best at a particular thing. The challenge and the opportunity here is that What You Can Be Best At may be something that you are not even currently doing. Further, your core business may not in fact be the thing that you are best at.

2. What Drives Your Economic Engine? Great organizations work hard to gain insight into what will most effectively generate sustained and robust cash flow and profitability. In Collins' words, they discovered the single denominator -- the ONE factor -- that has the greatest impact on economic success.

3. What Are You Deeply Passionate About? You cannot manufacture passion or "motivate the team" to feel passionate. You can only discover what ignites your passion and the passion of those around you.

The work of gaining an understanding of these three dimension and where they intersect for your organization will allow you to create strategies for maximum impact.

A few final notes. You may have been asking yourself:

What if we discover that we are not great at anything? I like the fact that Collins actually gets excited about this. Companies that reach this grim conclusion have also persevered and decided "there must be something we can be the best at and we will find it and not delude ourselves when we confront the facts of what we cannot be the best at".

What if I am not in a high-growth industry? A company does not need to be in a great industry to become a great company. What is important to success is gaining a deep understanding of the key drivers of your organization's economic engine and building your systems in accordance with this understanding.

Why should anyone care about Being Great? First, it is no harder to build something great than to build something good, it does not require more suffering than perpetuating mediocrity. It may even simplify our lives and increase our effectiveness. Second, if you are doing something you care about and you believe in its purpose, then it is hard to imagine not trying to make it great.

Strategic Planning in Challenging Times

2011-09-20T12:23:00.000-07:00

This summer I've had the privilege of working with several organizations on Strategic Planning assignments. These meetings were enthusiastic, intense, emotional at times, and filled with hard work, determination, and a sense of accomplishment.

Many organizations today understand that with the challenges faced in today's economy, it is essential that they take a hard look at who they are, what's important to them, and how they are going to move forward successfully with smaller staffs, fewer resources. They know they need to make some changes, but the task seems daunting. A well-mapped out Strategic Planning engagement can be enormously productive in helping an organization adapt and move forward.

The following are some insights into the process, which I hope you will find useful as you consider a Strategic Planning meeting for your own organization.

1. DO Engage in Regular Strategic Planning. The world is changing so fast that strategies for success that made sense even a year ago may no longer hold true. Re-visiting and clarifying the organization's mission, values, goals, and strategies on a regular basis helps to create a strong framework that will allow the organization to be flexible and effective in dealing with change.

2. DO Hire Professional Help. Without an outside coach or facilitator, most groups get sidetracked or bogged down, and waste a lot of time. An outside professional has the ability to stimulate the group to get out of their usual ways of doing things, seeing things, and interacting with each other. And they will push the group to stay focused and complete its agenda.

3. DON'T Expect To Coast Through It. An effective Strategic Planning meeting takes commitment and hard work. It will likely include pre-work, and often some carefully chosen reading assignments. The meeting itself may span several hours -- or days. And once all this is done, the real work begins: holding oneself and others accountable to move forward with the actions committed to.

4. DO Expect That Sparks Will Fly. Tempers may flair, tears may be shed. Again, a skilled facilitator or coach will help the group navigate through the heated emotions and channel that passion into breakthrough creative thinking and action.

5. DON'T Be Surprised When Resistance Appears. As much as people clamor for things to change, most of the time we hope that the results can be different but without us having to be different. An important step in the process of redefining strategy and goals may be gaining awareness of our own resistance to changing how we do things.

6. DO Notice How the Cream Rises to the Top. It becomes clear very quickly that there are those who just like to hear themselves talk -- and those who are willing to take action. The structure and clarity of this kind of work empowers individual performers, which benefits the entire organization.

7. DO Include Everyone. While the leadership of an organization may be most involved in determining the Strategic Plan, for this plan to actually work all levels of the organization must be engaged and included. People support what they help to create.

8. DON'T Neglect to Celebrate. Planning and execution are hard work -- especially if your goal is to take the organization down a new path. Take time out to celebrate your early wins!

9. DO create goals that you can measure. How long will it take? What resources are needed? What is the desired outcome? What gets measured gets done.

10. DON'T Stop Now. Become a Culture of Constant Improvement. Strategic Planning allows us to respond actively to the question: How can we be better at what we do? As innovation is stimulated, the organization becomes more attractive to all its constituents -- staff, members, clients, shareholders.

Taking A Break

2011-08-16T12:21:00.000-07:00

Vacations provide a needed break from work, and a chance to kick back and have some fun. Time off can also be an opportunity to explore another side of who we are -- important, because what can ultimately become draining about our work-life is the routine we get into of doing what we always do, being who we always expect ourselves to be, seeing the world through the same paradigms as the day before, and the day before that.

Having just returned from a 10-day break which included a week at Kripalu , a well-known center for yoga and wellness in Great Barrington, MA, I can enthusiastically recommend the value of taking time off to do something ... a little out there (more about that, below).

Here's to making sure we all take that needed break this summer, so that September finds us refreshed and renewed.

DISCOVER WHO ELSE YOU ARE, BESIDES THE PERSON WHO DOES A GREAT JOB AT WORK

Here are three very different kinds of summer vacation experiences I have had in the past 7 years - and important lessons I learned from them about myself.

1. I am fearless. Well, not exactly. But what I came to understand from the summers I spent learning to rock climb in the Adirondacks is that I have a lot more courage and ability to go beyond my own fears than I imagined. Joining a group of 18-year-olds to climb a 100-foot rock wall, and having to swallow my need to be "one of the best" (when I was clearly going to be among the slowest and most hesitant) reminded me that I do have the courage to take risks, and possibly fail. Repelling backwards off that same 100-foot cliff when every bit of instinct was hollering "you are going to die!" made it clear that there are far scarier things than having to deal with losing a big client, or not being sure where your next project is coming from. Being able to take that "leap of faith" made it easier to take others.

2. I am creative. For two summers, I spent a week at a farm learning to weave. I had forgotten how much I love color, texture, and making something that is simple and useful. And I reconnected with how important it is to me to be part of a fellowship of others with similar interests, and how that fellowship can rise above any number of differences in how old you are, where you are from, how much money you make. In the end, it is more important than any of those things.

3. I can surprise myself. Who would have thought I'd be interested in Shamanism? Or that these teachings would contain so much that resonate with the kind of work I do as a business coach? This summer I spent a week practicing yoga and studying The Jaguar Path , with teacher and healer Ray Crist, at Kripalu. I signed up for the class almost on a whim, but discovered that this more holistic view of the world really makes sense to me. To my surprise I came away with some very practical tools for making myself more effective at what I do, and helping my clients do the same. In addition, I am a little more grounded, focused, and calm as I confront the challenges of every day. And consider this - how many business coaches do you know with their own magic rattle?

Why Volunteer? Aren't You Busy Enough?

2011-06-28T12:19:00.000-07:00

Recently I participated in a weekend program, created by the College Summit organization, designed to help low-income students prepare their college applications. My role was to coach six young women from Miami-Dade high schools, over three days, through the process of writing their Personal Statements for college. It was one of the most satisfying experiences I have had in some time.

Volunteering can offer professionals the kind of experience that not only satisfies a desire to give back, but also creates an opening to perceive new possibilities for how to approach our roles and responsibilities in the organizations we work for.

This summer I suggest that each of us, no matter how busy we are, find a way to contribute our time to the issues that matter to us. You'll be amazed at the value you'll gain in your own professional life.

1. Learn what it's like to run a successful operation on a shoestring. Many non-profit organizations are determined to produce huge results with limited financial resources. As a professional from the for-profit world, it is enlightening to see what combination of factors makes this work: hard work, persistence and determination, honing the organizational message, attracting the best workers, stakeholders, and supporters.

2. Motivating the Troops. Ever feel like you have a hard time motivating employees who are actually getting paid to work hard? What drives those who will work hard for free? My observation: keep your eye on the goal at all times, don't waste people's time, be generous with your recognition of each person's contribution.

3. The Value of Making A Difference. A recent article in the Harvard Business Review noted "employees are highly motivated, satisfied, and effective when they work in jobs that have a positive impact on others." (HBR, June 2011). The driving motivator is NOT "creating shareholder value." And whether the difference you make is in feeding a hungry person in a soup kitchen, or in being that person your clients can count on for quality, service, and integrity, the opportunity to make a difference is what counts. If you don't understand this connection already, by volunteering you'll get it in a visceral, gut-wrenching way.

4. What does a Culture of Constant Improvement Look Like? This culture exists in many volunteer-driven organizations, but was particularly evident in the College Summit group. How often do we in business ask ourselves, and those we work with: "What can I do better? How can we improve?" If I have made a mistake, do I own it and commit to doing better next time? As a leader in a company, have I created the kind of environment where these kinds of questions can be asked?

5. Shake Up Your World. Get out of your comfort zone. Connect to the issues of the day that matter to you. There is no better antidote to the cynicism and anxiety of our times than working with those who -- even amidst dire circumstances -- are determined to create a better future. You'll take on your own professional challenges with a new sense of possibility.

Those Difficult Clients

2011-05-17T12:17:00.000-07:00

For weeks, months, and maybe even years you pursue a particular piece of business. Finally it is yours. So how does it happen that this client who you once so ardently pursued now becomes a kind of adversary?

How Did Your Client Become The Enemy?

Perhaps you attracted a particular client by offering your product or service at a price that was too low, and now you resent it (and them). Or, your company has an overload of policies and procedures, and rather than confront this logjam, you get angry with the client for not understanding how "WE do things". I have also worked with companies who get The Big Client and then are completely immobilized with panic at having to perform at the higher level that this big client demands. In this case, it is easier to blame the client (and their unreasonable expectations) then to demand more of your own performance.

What Is This Costing Your Business? If you don't confront this attitude with honesty and integrity, you will certainly end up losing business. Most clients will only tolerate being treated like an adversary for so long. Life for your employees becomes increasingly stressful if they feel they are in a constant struggle with clients over who is right and who is wrong. And whatever passion got you into your business in the first place will inevitably disappear.

What Can You Do About It? Get honest about your pricing structure, and raise rates if you need to. Clients will often pay more if they feel that they are getting better quality and service than they would with your competitor, so make sure you offer this. Take a fresh look at your policies and procedures. Are there better more efficient ways to do things? If you can't get to the bottom of this yourself, hire outside help to give you a fresh perspective. And if you get that Big Job, or that new client, it is a perfect opportunity to stop and remind yourself why you got into this business in the first place. What about it got you excited, even inspired? What are the talents that you and your company bring to the table that make YOU ideally suited to satisfy this client? In whatever position you hold, commit to taking a leadership role in infusing others with that excitement and positive energy, so that you will not only get the job done but surpass expectations.

Need help re-igniting your passion for your business - and inspiring yourself, your company, and your customers?

Business Planning Basics

2011-04-12T12:14:00.000-07:00

Not surprisingly, many new businesses and enthusiastic entrepreneurs burst onto the scene with high hopes and a lot of energy -- only to fail for lack of long-term planning.

More surprising is that many established businesses don't regularly review their mission as a company, and update their goals and strategies to support that mission. Recently I asked one senior executive I know if she had reviewed her goals for her team in 2011 and how these supported the company mission; she gave me a cock-eyed look and just snorted as if to say "You've got to be kidding. Who does that?"

The world is moving fast these days. Whether you are an individual entrepreneur, partner in a small business, or manager of a team, here are a few questions it's worth thinking about as you define -- and re-define -- your mission, and the strategies that will support your success in the ever-changing business landscape.

PLAN FOR SUCCESS: Six Key Business Plan Components

Your Mission: What is the purpose of your company or service? Why do you exist? What are the benefits of working with you in particular? What is your target market and how will you satisfy this market?

Situation Analysis: Otherwise known as SWOT. What are your Strengths, Weakness, Opportunities, Threats?

Goals: Where do you want to be in one year? Five years? Are your goals SMART: Simple, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic, and achievable within a set Time-frame?

Strategies: How do you define and explain the benefits of your product? How accessible are you or your company to your clients? Is your product priced appropriately? What combination of advertising, special offers, web presence, speaking engagements will support your goals? In short, what's the right mix of Product, Price, Place, and Promotion?

Tactics: What specific activities will support your strategies? Who will do them? How will they be accomplished on a weekly or monthly basis? A monthly newsletter? On-line advertising? Networking events?

Budget: Simply put, a budget is used to predict future income and expenses. As an entrepreneur, a budget is essential to predict future viability and attract investors; department managers need to understand budgets in order to set priorities; and while numbers may not be your thing, if you are the CEO you need to understand not only your P&L statement and balance sheet, but recognize that cash flow is king.

Is your company mission statement outdated, uninspiring -- or non-existent? Are your strategies aligned with your current goals? If your business plan needs an overhaul, I'd be pleased to work with you.

Boosting Sales

2011-03-09T12:11:00.000-08:00

Last week I was on a sales trip in Texas, with the goal of developing new business. After weeks of cold calls and emails, my persistence had paid off and now came the crucial face-to-face meetings.

Before I sat down with each customer I stopped, took a deep breath, and reminded myself: Don't Talk So Much. Listen.

To find solutions that are mutually beneficial, that advance our clients' business objectives and our own, we have to actually pay attention. Listen, observe, ask questions. And yet most of us in sales have a tendency to stick to a single approach, to launch right into our usual pitch with minimal adjustment. Not surprisingly, jobs that should have been ours end up going to someone else.

I don't believe that there is ONE Successful Sales Personality. But I do believe that to be successful, a sales person has to become fully aware of his or her personal strengths, learn to build on these, and use them to their best advantage. Is there work out there you should be getting? Sales you should have closed? Does your technique need a wake-up call? I'd be pleased to work with you to help you Boost Your Sales in 2011.

Sales Tips for Entrepreneurs and Business Owners

2011-02-16T12:07:00.000-08:00

I've been in sales for many years and also run my own business -- where, among other job descriptions, I also hold the position of "head of sales." Today, many of my clients are in sales or running their own businesses too, and our discussions often touch on what really matters when it comes to winning new clients and maintaining good customer relations.

Here's a short list of what I've found really matters when it comes to making the sale. Whether you are a sales person, an entrepreneur, or a business owner, you'll need to make some strategic choices and hone your skills and expertise to ensure success:

1. You must be selling something that people want. If it's out of date or no longer relevant, forget it. Same thing can apply if you are too far ahead of the curve, although I'd rather be selling that product or idea because eventually your clients may catch up to you. And if someone else is doing it better-faster-cheaper, no matter how much they love you, your clients are going to buy from the other guy.

2. Insist on being properly compensated. Unless you are part of a start-up you believe in strongly and have a deferred compensation agreement, run -- do not walk -- from anyone who suggests you work for free with the promise of some giant-sized commission somewhere in the distant future. All this means is that they are not confident of what they are trying to get you to sell, which does not bode well for your future sales success.

3. Know what you are talking about. You must know specifically what you and your company are good at. Additionally, as a professional to be reckoned with, you need to have a broad understanding of your marketplace, and your own company's operations and financial projections. Whether you are a sale person or an entrepreneur, the more knowledge of your field you convey, the more you and your enterprise will be taken seriously.

4. Deliver superior quality and service. It's not all about price. And whether you are pitching an idea to an investor, negotiating your compensation, or selling to a potential client, keep in mind that people will pay more for good value: superior quality and service and fewer headaches.

5. And yes: Relationships matter. Ultimately, your ability to connect with your prospect in a way that is meaningful to them is what matters most. Too often we approach each unique sales situation with our one, usual routine: we are chatty and personal when in fact our client wants to get right to the point; we approach a client who prefers to go with his gut instincts with a long boring run-down of equipment lists and technical details; we expound enthusiastically about our company's breakthrough technology when in fact our client is cautious and has built his career on sticking to the tried and true. Gaining greater self-awareness about your own sales style and learning to size-up quickly the priorities and buying styles of your customers are what will ultimately lead to sales success.

Mastering Time, Living with a Sense of Purpose

2011-01-19T11:51:00.000-08:00

In the mid-19th century, Henry David Thoreau wrote: "I went to the woods because I wanted to live deliberately."

Most of us - like Thoreau - want to live and work with a sense of purpose, but a sojourn into the wilderness to figure out how we plan to do this is generally not an option. Instead, we must learn to define what is important to us, what achievements really matter, in the midst of the often overwhelming demands, interruptions, and distractions of 21st-century life.

Whether your goals are business-oriented or personal, learning to master your time is key to accomplishing what really matters.

What if in this year you could create a plan that would allow you to manage time in a more satisfying and productive manner? What if you stopped reacting to every urgent demand, and instead began accomplishing what was really important to you?

For more information about building an action plan for managing your time more effectively, click on this link: Mastering Time, Living with a sense of Purpose.

Take A Deep Breath - and 5 Other Tips for the Holiday Season

2010-12-08T11:38:00.000-08:00

These days it seems that there are just way too many demands made on our time. We'd like the holiday season to be a joyful period, but add holiday shopping, meals to cook, relatives to see ON TOP OF what we already need to get done and it can turn stressful pretty quickly.

Since the demands aren't going away any time soon, I have learned to be as deliberate as I can about determining what is truly important, and how I want to spend my time. We all want to accomplish those things at work that really make a difference; and we all want to make space in our lives to be present for the people who matter to us and the interests we are committed to outside of work.

Here are Five Steps to consider this month, for managing the work that needs to be done, and enjoying the Holiday Season.

Start work early. While everyone else is spending that first hour nursing their coffee and muffin, you have an even better chance of getting things done -- and enabling yourself to finish up your work day at a normal hour.

Figure out what your most productive time is, and guard it ferociously. Most of us work in an office setting, where the constant stream of interruptions reduces the quality of work and allows us to finish only half of what we could. Schedule at least one hour of uninterrupted time and turn off the phone, ignore emails, shut your door. Dedicate that hour to working on your top priorities and you'll accomplish two or three times what you could otherwise.

Don't waste your time. There's almost always time to get the most important things done, unless we fill our days with unimportant things. Two ways we tend to waste our time: 1) focusing on the things that are quick, easy, and enjoyable first and 2) being distracted by what is "urgent" rather than "important". How often do we shift our focus away from our own important goals and priorities in order to accommodate someone else's loud demands? Decide what tasks are most important to accomplish and then focus on those things and ignore, delegate, or work around the others.

Maintain a healthy routine. From the traditions of Ayurveda, to the advice of those who coach athletes and other top performers comes a pretty standard set of instructions: Don't go to bed too late and do get enough sleep; eat a balanced diet and don't overeat; avoid excessive drinking; get sufficient exercise. A good reason to stick to a routine MOST of the time is that you'll just feel better, get more done, and be in much better shape to truly overindulge when those not-to-be-missed occasions for holiday revelry arise.

When work is done, its done. For those of us who are in sales, run our own companies, believe "There are certain things that only I can do" -- or all three -- this can be a challenge. But one of the great benefits of working efficiently and well, is that when it is time to shut the door on work, and play: YOU CAN PLAY. Give your attention fully to the people and activities you care about. Enjoy everything that is important to you about the holidays and put the Blackberry and the iPhone away. Go for a long walk with your dog, read something for pure pleasure, sleep in late with your loved one, cut your relatives some slack, call friends who live far away, spend some time doing nothing at all.

Enjoy Your Holiday!

Lead With Your Heart

2009-07-27T14:57:00.000-07:00

In many yoga positions an integral part of the asana, or pose, is to stretch open your chest - open up your heart. That in itself is metaphor enough for those of us who often go about our lives hunched over work or the computer, shutting others out, or with our arms crossed tightly across our chests when speaking with others. We protect, shield, defend, and sometimes cave in, none of which is terribly good for us. By opening our hearts, we give a needed stretch to unused muscles and tendons, and a needed stretch to our ability to be present to those we love or who depend upon us, to have compassion, to be vulnerable even when we may feel on the defensive - and in so doing, perhaps diffuse conflict or find unexpected mutual understanding.

Today I learned in yoga that even when I might be doing a pretty good job of understanding the need to open my heart, I still tend to "lead with my chin". That is, my heart may be open, but my intellect and my inclination to judge and be critical are still in charge of everything.

So today I practiced dropping my chin, and letting my open heart lead. In work, and in life, it is not a comfortable feeling to drop all the demands of the ego, what you want and how you want to do things. But what if we all led with our hearts? What if just a few of us did?

What if, today, I did?

Into The Wild

2009-05-26T13:01:00.000-07:00

I love reading about outdoor adventure. I have been a downhill skier most of my life. A few years ago, despite my fear of heights, I learned the basics of rock climbing and I've been on half a dozen climbs. I like to think that these relatively tame experiences, which are exhilarating enough for me, allow for a small window into what it must feel like to embark on a really scary, dangerous adventure: Perilous climbs up Mt. Everest with the risk of freezing to death, for example, or deep underwater cave exploration where divers suddenly go mad and rip off their air masks and drown.

And so it was with a shiver of anticipation that I settled into a totally engrossing read by Laurence Gonzales, DEEP SURVIVAL: Who Lives, Who Dies, and Why.

Gonzales' focus is wilderness survival. As a coach, I found his concept of what it is "to be lost" fascinating and also deeply relevant to the bigger picture of our world today - including the world of business. All of us create a mental map of reality. People get lost when the reality around them changes and yet they insist on denying this, and press on, frantically trying to make their mental map fit the new reality around them. In a life-or-death situation, Gonzales found, the survivor was the one who arrived at "a pragmatic acceptance of - and even wonder at - the world in which he found himself. He had at last begun to model and map his real environment instead of the one he wished for. He'd worked out his own salvation. He had discovered the first Rule of Life: Be here now."

Many companies and business professionals have discovered that the map they have developed over time that was so handy and useful no longer applies to the current reality. And the more we insist on trying to force reality to fit the map, the further lost we will become.

Instead, those who will successfully survive the current economic storm are those who are able to perceive clearly their situation; they calmly get organized and create a modest plan of action. They are determined and believe they will succeed.

And they never give up. "They accept that the environment or business climate or their health is constantly changing. They pick themselves up and start the entire process again, breaking it down into manageable bits .... They come to embrace the world in which they find themselves and see opportunity in adversity. In the aftermath, survivors learn from and are grateful for the experiences they've had."

It Is All About the People

2009-05-10T15:49:00.000-07:00

During challenging times, many companies forget about leadership, and about the people they are responsible for. They forget that what will enable a company to pull ahead and survive during a critical period is the ability to provide encouragement and a realistic kind of optimism to employees, even in the darkest moments.

These days, most leaders are bombarded with so many crises that they may begin simply to react -- it becomes enormously difficult to pull back from the fire and to spend time thinking, planning, reflecting , strategizing. And difficult as well to spend quality time with the people who count on you for a positive vision of the future.

What becomes lost is an acknowledgment of how important your people are to your business. Instead, leaders and managers may focus only on their employees shortcomings -- and wish they would just get on with doing their jobs!

At a large manufacturing firm that I was working with recently, I was able to observe how lost employees felt when they have little or no positive contact with their leaders. The result is stress, fear, illness, and the tendency to focus on minutiae (which at least is well defined and safe). All to the great risk of the organization. At just the moment when employees must rise and make their best effort, without leadership, without attention and positive recognition, they will falter and shrink from taking any decisive action.

RECOMMENDATIONS

The energy of a department or a company is very much determined by its leaders. As a manager, you need to be in top form so that you can convey energy and enthusiasm effectively to your staff.

Leaders in these times need to train like athletes. Take time to take care of yourself: get adequate sleep, exercise, and eat a proper diet.

Recognize the positive, give praise, connect how employees' actions are contributing to the well-being of the company.

As an employee, identify your core values so that even in a negative situation you can draw comfort and strength from acknowledging that you are living up to your own standards.

Don't get sucked into negativity. Cultivate your ability to do One Positive Thing each day. Recognize yourself.

Reach out and ask for what you need. Keep in mind that your manager may be so overwhelmed with their own job responsibilities that they are not aware that you may have concerns.

Focus on your health. Avoid drinking or smoking as a way to relieve tension. Try adding 20 minutes of exercise into each day. Get away from your computer and your desk at least twice a day, for a few minutes.

Fiercely cultivate habits that lead to greater optimism.

The Road to Resilience

2009-03-27T11:56:00.000-07:00

Today I was speaking with my friend Gail Angelo, who, like me, is professional coach. As I was describing a recent disappointment, Gail reminded me about the importance of resilience.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"When things don't work out the way you had hoped, you don't have to throw yourself so far into the ditch!"

Later, I went to the website of the American Psychological Association, and found that in fact, "the capacity to manage strong feelings and impulses" (ie not throwing yourself so far into a ditch) is one of the key factors associated with resilience.

Resilience is a capacity that is worth cultivating, in good times and bad. Resilience means adapting well in the face of adversity, and bouncing back from difficult experiences. Here are ten strategies for building resilience, that I've adapted from
The APA Help Center:

1. Make connections. Cultivate good relationships with family and friends, accept support from those who care about you, join a local church or community social support group, assist others in need.

2. Avoid seeing crises as insurmountable problems. You can't change the fact that stressful events happen, but you can change how you interpret and respond to them. Look beyond the present and think about how the future circumstances may be a little better.

3. Accept that change is a part of living. The Serenity Prayer says it all: Do your best to accept the things you cannot change, and to find the courage to change the things you can.

4. Move towards your goals. Develop realistic goals and celebrate even the small achievement. Ask yourself "what's one thing I can accomplish today that helps me move in the direction I want to go?"

5. Take decisive action. Respond to adverse situations with action, as much as you can. Don't detach from problems and wish they would go away.

6. Look for opportunities for self-discovery. People often learn something about themselves and find that they have grown as a result of their struggle. Coping with difficult times may lead to a greater sense of self worth, more developed spirituality, better personal relationships, a heightened appreciation for life.

7. Nurture a positive view of yourself. Developing confidence in your ability to solve problems and trusting your instincts helps to build resilience.

8. Keep things in perspective. Try to consider a stressful situation in a broader, long-term context. Avoid blowing the event out of proportion.

9. Maintain a hopeful outlook. Try visualizing what you want, rather than worrying about what you fear. Expect that good things will happen in your life.

10. Take care of yourself. Pay attention to your own needs and feelings. Exercise. Engage in activities that you enjoy and find relaxing. Taking care of yourself keeps your mind and body in good condition for dealing with situations that require resilience.

As I write this, I look outside my window at three tall palms that have so far survived wind, rain, and Florida's hurricane season because of their ability to bend and be flexible, because of their resilience. I think I'll use the image of their graceful, limber forms as a mental reminder to cultivate resilience.

Talk to Me

2009-03-21T16:36:00.000-07:00

Someone once asked me, at a time in my life when I was a Sales Manager: What one quality above all others do you look for in a sales person?

I thought about the sales people I worked with, and the really good sales people I have known. The best are persistent, persuasive, strategic thinkers, energetic, able to offer compelling arguments to overcome resistance. Many, as you would expect, are really good talkers. But if I had to pick just one quality, that all of these individuals share, it would be this: The ability to listen.

"Listening is a magnetic and strange thing, a creative force" writes Brenda Ueland in her essay On The Fine Art of Listening. The people who "really listen to us are the ones we move toward, and want to sit in their radius as though it did us good".

Most of us don't really listen very well. Or if we do manage to listen, we are often just waiting until the other person finishes so that we can say what is on OUR mind. And that's not really listening. Over time the result of this is that we seal ourselves off from other people, we don't really know them, or really understand their concerns. Eventually, as our lives move on, we may become more and more isolated. When we listen, Ueland remarks, we allow the creative fountain to start up, 'the spirit, the intelligence, the imagination'. And by not listening, whether it be in business or personal life, that fountain will run dry.

Here's a little test. Try listening for just one day to someone you are close to: your husband or wife, child or parent. Try really listening to a difficult business colleague or client. And when they finish, don't let your self-assertion jump in with "yes, but.....". Get rid of the word "but" altogether, it only serves to negate everything the person you are listening to has just said. Instead, if you do say anything, try asking "What else?"

You don't need to do this perfectly for the results to be quite remarkable. All of us want to be listened to, all of us want to really be heard. When someone senses you are really listening to what they have to say amazing things can happen. Solutions can be found that were never imagined. Understanding can be reached that had seemed impossible. Old angers and resentments can be overcome. Frustrations can simply fall away.

Everyone lightens up and feels much better.

"We should all know this: that listening, not talking, is the gifted and great role, and the imaginative role. And the true listener is much more believed, magnetic than the talker, and he is more effective and learns more and does more good. And so try listening. Listen to your wife, your husband, your father, your mother, your children, your friends, to those who love you and those who don't, to those who bore you, to your enemies. It will work a small miracle. And perhaps a great one."

Quotes are all taken from Brenda Ueland's wonderful essay, Tell Me More, On The Fine Art of Listening. Published by Holy Cow Press, www.holycowpress.org.

Force is False

2009-02-27T14:11:00.000-08:00

Does it seem lately as if you are banging your head against a wall? That every door you approach slams in your face? That all the strategies that were successful in the past - working long hours, taking on more projects, sidelining your personal life so you can be "on the road" for the company 20 days out of every month - just aren't cutting it? At the end of the day, you got laid off anyway.

I was sweating it out in a "hot yoga" class last weekend, straining to achieve the proper poses in 105 degree heat. At one point the yoga teacher stopped us all in mid-instruction. As we relaxed into a cross-legged pose he said quite simply: Don't push yourself so hard. Force is False.

And a light bulb went off for me. As much as you try and try, you cannot force a particular outcome. Whether it is some complicated yoga position, or a business result you are desperately striving for. Related to that is the idea that what you CAN do is be committed to the consistent, sometimes tedious, and yet transcendentally important day-to-day actions without which growth and achievement are not possible - whether we are talking yoga or business.

Let go of your attachment to the results. This is a difficult exercise for most of us, who are so used to being in control of not only the process but the final outcome. The times are especially challenging, and yet offer great possibilities, for change, growth. Here are a few stories from professionals I know, all high achieving, high earning - and all recently laid off:

One woman in commercial real estate is taking the opportunity to move out of New York City to a more agreeable climate. She's experimenting with the idea of working for herself and already has her first client (a business that used to be a customer of her old firm). Another person is an investment banker, she loves finance but these days she's less impressed for obvious reasons with big-name institutions and more interested in working for a smaller firm that has integrity, though it will certainly mean less money. A third was a top creative professional in the fashion industry; while he's looking at positions similar to the one he left, he is also considering working for himself. And he's decided to use some of his down time to follow his passion for yoga and become certified as a yoga teacher.

The one thing that these individuals have in common is that they are consistently doing the day-to-day work of making calls, sending out resumes, networking. They are spending that difficult alone time thinking about what they would like to do next in the context of what is really important to them in their lives now. And they are all remaining open to the possibility that something they had not anticipated may present itself as an opportunity. They aren't pushing so hard for a particular result.

Be committed to the day-to-day routine actions. They will keep you ready and moving forward. Accept that the future may look different from what you had originally thought, and be alert to new directions and unexpected opportunities.

Something of Inestimable Value

2009-02-10T13:06:00.000-08:00

I've just finished a wonderful new memoir by the British writer and editor Diana Athill, written when she was 89 years old, called Somewhere Towards the End.

Near the end of the book, Athill makes an observation that rings very true to me, and especially given the circumstances in which many people now find themselves in our troubled economy. Now, "towards the end" of her life, she remarks that one regret she has is "never having had the guts to escape the narrowness of my life." She recounts the story of one of her nieces who, at 49, signed up to train as a midwife and in her 50's began a new life, delivering babies. "Having the courage and the initiative suddenly to step out of a familiar and exceptionally agreeable life into something quite different, she clearly gained something of inestimable value."

For many of us today, change is being thrust upon us whether we like it or not. And as Athill notes, dealing with change is going to take "courage and initiative." We will have to accept that change is likely to require some deep reflection on our part, what is often referred to as "the lonely work" -- not something most of us are used to in our busy, busy live. For the first time since we were in our 20's (for heaven's sakes!), we may find ourselves in a precarious economic situation. And change may force us to ask for support -- from friends and loved ones, and possibly from a coach who can help us navigate these uncharted waters.

Our instincts may be to resist change or rail against it. But taking the long view, a better path may be to look at change as a sudden and unexpected gift. Suddenly, if we choose, we have the opportunity to grow in ways we had not imagined. We may reinvent ourselves, creating the person we want to be, here at this time in our lives. And ... life in the midst of all this flux is unlikely to be boring.

Mulling over Athill's memoir, and what it might be like to look back on a life at the age of 89, I believe we will be grateful that life gave us the chance to change, to grow and evolve. So that we might, towards the end, feel that in our own lives we had "gained something of inestimable value."

Get Moving

2009-01-19T14:18:00.000-08:00

Confronted with a strong desire for change, we can sometimes feel: Paralyzed!

What should we do first? What if the action we take is the wrong one and ends up being fruitless, a waste of time and effort? The more we think and think, the more inaction can seem like the best choice. Maybe things are not really so bad the way they are, we reason....

When it feels as if your head is going to explode, jammed between the pressure of your current dissatisfaction and complete uncertainty about the path forward, sometimes the best thing to do is to - quite literally - get moving.

In her book The Creative Habit, Twyla Tharp writes about tackling the fear and uncertainty of the empty white room (which is like the writer's blank white page) by disciplining herself to stick to a course of daily early morning exercise. And though she is a dancer, this morning ritual of movement is more about getting ideas moving. Ideas that will sometimes - but not always - lead to a breakthrough in conceiving a new creative work.

A less athletic example would be me, walking my dog, Forest, first thing in the morning. Most of the time, I would rather sleep in late. However part of what motivates me (aside from Forest's excited happy dog face) is the knowledge that these walks have the potential of being quite productive creatively for me. The trick is to turn off the mental chatter that is surprisingly noisy even first thing in the morning, and sounds something like: "Wow, I am tired today and sore too Gosh I think I really am still the worst person in that new yoga class I am taking how humiliating Oh Damn now what does the dog have in his mouth Is that a piece of garbage? Gross! I really wish I had not eaten that second piece of dessert last night ..." and on and on it goes.

If I make the effort, I can turn this chatter off. And in that quiet space where I am no longer thinking but just aware, ideas will sometimes appear. Sometimes they are not very good ones. But often they are. Often I get a complete shift in perspective on how to deal with a particularly thorny business issue; or clarity about a client's situation that was puzzling to me; sometimes a new course of action takes form in my mind, one that I hadn't considered or conceived of before. And sometimes, something that had seemed incredibly bothersome just loses its bite.

I guess the point is, when you're committed to change, but temporarily stuck, it can help to take a break from all that thinking and analyzing. Engage your body in whatever way is right for you, make an end-run around your brain, and Get Moving. Aside from being good for you physically, you'll be surprised at how good it is for you in supporting positive change in other areas of your life.

Telling A Different Story

2009-01-10T10:40:00.001-08:00

Change is in the air. Its a new year. A new administration will soon be in the White House riding in on the slogan "Change We Need". We are all more than ready for change, it seems.

But real change is one of the most difficult things for any of us to accomplish, whether we are leaders responsible for the performance of a team, or individuals trying to transform some aspect of our personal or professional lives.

When I lived in Manhattan there was a well-known business in the creative industry that had once been a leader in its business sector, but over the years it had declined. It was now overshadowed by BIGGER competitors. All that anyone in the business could talk about -- whether you spoke to clients, associates in the same industry, or even the employees themselves -- was how SMALL this business was compared to its massive arch-rival.

And then a new President was hired. This woman did not have much experience in management, nor did she have as much in-depth knowledge of the advertising industry compared with some of her peers. What she did have was a completely different story to tell about this company. To her, small was an advantage - it signified exclusivity, and a kind of sleekness and hipness that could be conveyed in everything the company did and said. She was enthusiastic and determined, and relentlessly believed in her story despite some strong initial resistance. And little by little, the employees started to believe in this story too. And before long, the company's clients did too. Some people even started to believe that the bigger competitors where actually too big.

Within two years this company was back on its feet. It was never as BIG as its competitors, but that was not the point. It was successful and respected, and a place where people wanted to come to work.

As individuals, we all have the opportunity to see and to tell a different story. And to thereby improve our relationships, the choices we make about work, and how we want to design our own personal lives. Sometimes the "alternative view" seems blindingly obvious and so making this shift, and telling a different story is easy. The hard part is sticking to it despite objections and other hardships we may have to endure along the way. At other times we have to do more work with our imagination, to devote the time and energy required to fleshing out this new story in all its details.

Commit yourself to this act of creativity and you will be living a more Artful Life.